ALeX inSide (alex_inside) wrote,
ALeX inSide
alex_inside

Хорошие нигерские шутки

update: Так как этот пост занесён в меморис более 100 раз, то вот я написал дисклеймер:
WARNING! This material contains racial jokes, about our blakk bros but don't take it as offensive content. It has a linguistical value for me, and take the stuff easy as I'd like to share it with you. Thats not worse than hollywood movies' jokes. The content was taken from the web. No sh, have some black-skinned friends. And we find a common language :)
ВНЕМЛИТЕ! Сим контентом я ни в коем случае не проявляю агрессию к нашим чёрным братьям. Просто для меня это интересный лингвистический материал и достаточно остроумный, с элементами чёрного юмара, не хуже чем в голливудских фильмах :) Так что не тяните на моих нигеров!

Мне тут друг заслал стёб: шутки про ниггеров. Явно писали белые =)) Я совершенно не расист, и нигеров считаю вполне нормальными людьми (если они выросли в нормальной семье). Но это такой лол. Особенно когда сам видел этих черномазых из гетто))) Это как раз про них. Короче я ржал над каждой шуткой в голос. Хочу чтоб это было в моём жж)) Это просто мегаржачь, правда, на английском языке, но зато с частоупотребимой игрой слов! Обожаю такие шутки) Обчитаться.

Некоторые сложные слова и слэнг я перевёл для плохопонимающих, нужно навести курсор мышки на подчёркнутые слова.

100 Good Nigger Jokes:  
1) Why do niggers carry shit in their wallet? Identification
2) Why do niggers wear wide brimmed hats? So birds won't shit on their lips
3) How do you stop black kids from jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling
4) Why do niggers smell so bad? So blind people can hate them too
5) Why does Stevie Wonder smile all the time? He doesn't know he's black
6) Why can't Stevie Wonder read? He's black
7) How do you get a nigger down from a tree? Cut the rope
8) How do you stop a nigger from hanging around in your front yard? Hang him in the back
9) What do you do when you see a nigger with one leg? Stop laughing and re-load
10) How many niggers does it take to pave a road? Depends on how you slice them
11) What's green and pink and purple and orange? A nigger dressed for church
12) What's the difference between a deer in the road and a nigger in the road? The deer has skid marks in front of it
13) What is wrong with 4 niggers going over a cliff in a cadilac? It seats 5
14) What do you say when you see your t.v. floating around at night? Drop it nigger
15) Why are niggers so strong? T.V.'s are getting heavier
16) Why are niggers so fast? All slow ones are in jail
17) What do you call a nigger having sex? Rape
18) What happened to the nigger that had an abortion? Crime stoppers sent her a check for 500 dollars
19) What are 3 things you can't give a nigger? A black eye, a fat lip, and a job
20) How do you stop a nigger from drowning? Take your foot off his head
21) What is the difference between batman and a black man? Batman can go out at night without robin
22) What's the definition of mass confusion? Father's Day in Harlem
23) Why shouldn't you hit a nigger riding a bike? Because the bike is probably yours
24) Why do white people go to black people's garage sales ? To get their stuff back
25) What do black kids get for Christmas? Your bike
26) What is long and hard on a nigger? First Grade
27) Why do Black People lean to the middle when they drive? They think the smells comin' from the outside
28) Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps? Under his work boots.
29) Why do niggers have red eyes after having sex ? Because of the pepper spray
30) What's the difference between a nigger and a bike? When you put chains on a bike it doesn't start singing
31) How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black? Ever try taking a rib from a nigger?
32) What was missing from the million man march? An auctioneer
33) How long does it take a nigger to shit? Nine months
34) What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea? A good start
35) What does a smart nigger, and Santa Clause have in common? They're both fictional characters
36) Why are the trees in Harlem so close together? Public transportation
37) In 4th Grade who has the biggest dick, the wetback , the white boy, or the nigger? The nigger,,, he's 16
38) What do you call a white man surrounded by 5 black men? victim
39) How about a white man surrounded by 10 men? A quarter-back
40) How about a white man surrounded by 20 black men? basketball coach
and a white man surrounded by 40 black men? a football coach
and finally a white man surrounded by 1,000 black men? a warden
41) What do you call a barn full of dead niggers? Antique farm equipment
42) What's long and black? The unemployment line
43) How do you start a black parade? By rolling a penny down the street
44) What goes Fee Fi Foe Fee Fi Foe Fee? Mike Tyson giving out his phone number
45) What do black people give their daughter when she turns 13? A baby shower
46) Why do niggers wear high heel shoes? So their knuckles won't drag on the ground
47) What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a nigger? A dumb gorilla
48) What do you get when you cross a monkey and a nigger? Nothing, monkeys are too smart to fuck niggers
49) What do niggers and sperm have in common? Only one in two million work
50) Why do niggers always have sex on their minds? Because of the pubic hair on their heads.
51) How did the nigger break his leg raking the leaves? He fell out of the tree.
52) How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers? He promised to create jobs for them if elected.
53) What do you call a nigger in a suit? Defendant
54) What do black girls and bears have in common? They both suck their paws
55) What happened when the nigger looked up his family tree? A gorilla shit in his face
56) How do you get niggers out of your neighborhood? Hide all the good cardboard boxes
57) Why do police dogs lick their asses so much? To get the taste of NIGGER out of their mouths
58) Why do niggers have flat noses? When they are born the doctor drops them on the floor, steps on the back of their heads and jerks the tail out.
59) What's black and white and red all over? A nigger and seagull fighting over a french fry on the Jersey shore!
60) What's black and white and goes rolling along the boardwalk? A nigger and a pigeon fighting over a chicken wing!
61) Did you hear about the little black kid who got diarrhea? He thought he was melting
62) What do you call three blacks at a skinhead barbeque? Charcoal.
63) How do you make a nigger nervous? Take him to an auction.
64) What do you call two nigger motorcycle cops? Chocolate CHiPs.
65) A cowboy, an indian, and a black man are sitting at a bar. the indian turns to the black man and says, "We once were many but now we're few". the black man replies, "We once were few but now we're many". the cowbay over hears all this and says to the black man, " Thats because we haven't played cowboys and niggers yet".
66) Did you hear of the new Black Barbie? It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check .
67) What does NAACP stand for? Niggers are actually colored polocks.
68) What do you call a black woman who gets an abortion? A member of Crimestoppers of America.
69) Whats the difference between a black and a snow tire? A snow tire won't sing when you put chains on it.
70) There is a 3 story apartment building with 1 apartment on each floor.
A white family lives on the top floor.
A mexican family lives on the second floor.
A nigger family lives on the botom floor.
At 2:00 PM in the afternoon a terrrible tornado hits the building,
totally destroying it. Which family lived?
The White family, because both parents were at work and the kids were in school.
71) What is the American dream? All the niggers go back to Africa with a Jew under each arm!
72) A ship sinks and the only survivors are a Russian, a Jamaican, a skinhead and a nigger. At sea for days, they finally come within sight of land. The Russian opens a hidden bottle of Stoli vodka, takes one swig and throws the remainder of the bottle into the water much to the other passangers dismay. The Russian explains that where he comes from, there is plenty of Stoli, it is worth nothing and means nothing. The Jamaican then procceds to light a huge blunt, takes one hit, and then throw the remainder to sea explaining, 'Mon, in my country we have plenty of marijuanna, it is worth nothing, means nothing.' So then the White man from New Jersey throws the nigger into the water!
73) What do you say to a black man in uniform? "I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."
74) What is a nigger's favorite anti-perspirant? Unemployment.
75) How can you spot a Black masochist? He's the one working for a living.
76) Hear about the black version of "Shogun"? It's called "Shonuff".
77) Why did all the blacks die in Vietnam? When the sergent said "Get down!", they got up and started dancing.
78) What do you call a black-midget in Ireland? A lepra-coon.
79) What are the six words you never ever want to hear a black man say? "Hi, I be yo' new neighbor."
80) Why do blacks call white people "honkies"? That's the last noise they hear before the white people run them over.
81) How was break dancing invented? By black kids stealing hubcaps from moving cars.
82) Why does California have so many fags and New York have so many niggers? California had first choice.
83) What is the difference between a "RAP" group's manager and a proctologist? A proctologist only deals with one asshole at a time
84) What is the New York State motto? "Eat, Drink and be Merry, for tomorrow you may be killed by a nigger in Central park."
85) What do you say to a nigger in a three-piece suit? "Will the defendant please rise."
86) Why don't niggers celebrate Thanksgiving.? Kentucky Fried Chicken isn't open on holidays.
87) Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia? He kept waking up twice a week.
88) What do niggers say during foreplay? "If you scream, bitch, I'll kill you!"
89) If Tarzan and Jane were black, what would Cheetah be? The brains of the outfit.
90) What is eight miles long and has an I.Q. of 68? The "Martin Luther King Day" parade.
91) How do you stop five niggers from raping a white woman? Throw them a basketball.
92) What's the first thing taught in a Harlem driving school? How to unlock a car with a coat hanger.
93) Why aren't there any sandboxes in Harlem? Cats keep trying to bury the baby niggers.
94) Hear about the new perfume for black women? It's called "Eau de doo dah day."
95) Why are so many niggers moving to Detroit? They heard there were no jobs there.
96) What is white yet has a black asshole? The Washington D.C. Mayor's office.
97) What does cotton have in common with noses? Niggers are good at picking both.
98) What do you call a conversation between Jesse Jackson and James Brown? Gibberish
99) Why was the wheelbarrow invented? To teach Niggers to walk on their hind legs.
100) What is printed on all African products? "Untouched by human hands."


update: Вот тут перевод сделали: http://kiwibird.livejournal.com/58903.html
update: американские комиксы про негров
Tags: весело и вкусно, лингвистическое, популярный пост в избранном, сумасайти
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